tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21554789066577032112024-02-07T13:16:09.985-08:00Order and ChaosA meander through the senses......Order and Chaoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03323101541530828744noreply@blogger.comBlogger129125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2155478906657703211.post-32321322129822668592016-03-07T02:35:00.001-08:002016-03-07T02:35:31.169-08:00Happy DaysOver the past few months it has been a joy to watch my son go happily off to school, it is a far cry from the emotional upheaval of last year when we were on a roller coaster with so many ups and downs. If I am honest it was mainly downs and reading through the letters I wrote to the school and to the Local Authority still makes me well up with the emotion of it all. It is like another world and another place but it was traumatic and the effects on J and myself were significant.<br />
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The sheer relief in September when I knew I would not have to send J back to a school where his needs were so poorly met was massive. <br />
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Now with the space of several months I can see how angry I was with the school and with the local authority who were seemingly prepared to just leave my child to flounder. The issues stemmed from a totally ineffectual SENCO who said all the right things but who could not put them into practice. The promise of the handwriting assessment which never took place, the promises of support with J's executive function deficits which didn't happen and the total lack of understanding they showed about leaving J in unstructured and unsupervised situations.<br />
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I suspect they saw me as "that parent" always in the school, always making a fuss and seemingly never satisfied. How could I be satisfied when they addressed J's needs so poorly?<br />
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Interestingly now that J is in a school where his needs ARE met I am no longer "that parent". I am a happy parent watching her child's self esteem improve as he celebrates small achievements. I watch his school nurture him and rewards these small achievements with certificates and praise.<br />
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It helps that J also now gets regular occupational therapy support plus speech and language support focusing upon his receptive language difficulties.<br />
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J enjoys being part of the school, his joy at being elected to the school council was fabulous to see and so good. The children in his school are those who are so easily sidelined in mainstream education, not valued and not included....no matter what the schools themselves may think.<br />
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So it's a good time for us at the moment. I am in no doubt that we will continue to have our issues from time to time but these issues are now no longer a daily occurrence.Order and Chaoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03323101541530828744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2155478906657703211.post-85553122034685342922016-01-12T01:02:00.000-08:002016-01-12T01:02:08.573-08:00Happy New YearIts been a while since I posted and it's been good to read back through the last few posts. J has now settled well in his new school and they continue to be brilliant with him and the other children in their care. The first term ended with a fabulous celebration assembly during which J read a poem; watching my child and others read confidently and fluently brought tears to my eyes, these children are so often overlooked in a mainstream setting and here they all were taking centre stage and having "their moment". Thank you Grove House School.<div>
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Christmas was a lovely time and we went to Wales to be with J's Dad and his lovely family. I think Wales may be my spiritual home, I always feel relaxed when we go there and the scenery is beautiful. </div>
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We came home on the 27th December and spent New Year at home before M had to return to Somerset and work. </div>
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So J is now back at school and so far it's been peaceful and uneventful ...long may this continue.</div>
Order and Chaoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03323101541530828744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2155478906657703211.post-25755839714213631582015-11-22T06:12:00.001-08:002015-11-22T06:12:54.163-08:00Trials and tribulations.If I thought that all problems would end with a special school I was wrong. <div><br></div><div>We have in fact run into the problems I knew would occur when J interacted with other children just like him. J has had problems with "the boy with poor impulse control" who teases him at times. He has also had problems with "the boy with Tourette's" who shouts stuff out randomly but also makes comments he DOES have control over. This mostly takes the form of stuff being shouted put in the classroom making the environment noisy. J hates him because of the noise but also because he will say horrible things to elicit a response. To J this took the form of being told "I hope you die a horrible painful death" while they were sat next to each other in a Science class. J left the classroom as he was angry but being J was unable to speak to an adult about what had been said. As always with J he internalised his feelings until he got through the front door and into his home and his place of safety...he then just ignited. The house practically shook with his rage and both I and his Dad were flooded for a few moments before we were able to try and talk him down and elicit the information about what had happened. We asked him why he had not shared any of this with an adult in school. His response was "because I was so angry". </div><div><br></div><div>Thankfully the fabulous Grove House School are now on the case and J has a wristband he can use to indicate when he is too angry or upset to talk. </div><div><br></div><div>We are still in the early days of settling down but it's still head and shoulders above the support he was getting in mainstream school and the staff within the school are fantastic and supportive. </div><div>We feel fortunate to have got J into the school and although it's early days the signs are good that it will support J right through to early adulthood.</div>Order and Chaoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03323101541530828744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2155478906657703211.post-72146216736317039912015-09-25T10:24:00.001-07:002015-09-25T10:24:56.352-07:00Cake!Today I attended a lovely coffee morning at Grove House school. We were raising money for the Macmillan cancer nurses. Cakes were made, displayed and eaten. Tea was consumed by the bucketload. <div><br></div><div>At the end of the morning we'd raised just over £186.</div><div><br></div><div>A few of us had got together as well to begin forming a Parents and Friends of Grove House School committee. It felt good to begin talking about how we could start giving something back to the school. </div><div><br></div><div>Lovely to meet some of the other parents too. We all understood each other and had experienced similar issues. </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Watching the pupils at break time was also interesting. All playing in groups but generally doing their own thing...and J did not look out of place among them. </div>Order and Chaoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03323101541530828744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2155478906657703211.post-43760095380749801732015-09-22T11:01:00.001-07:002015-09-25T10:25:49.943-07:00Ups and Downs.One of the issues J has is that he cannot cope with being teased. He gets upset and angry when this happens as he does not know what to do. <div><br></div><div>Conversations with him over the past few years have frequently gone like this. </div><div><br></div><div>"How was your day at school?"</div><div><br></div><div>to his response of....</div><div><br></div><div>"X, Y or Z teased me and I hate that f***ing school so get me out of it". </div><div><br></div><div>Then would follow an evening of increasing stress while he raged. </div><div><br></div><div>So far since he started at Grove House we haven't had this raging all evening. The days have been far from stress free for him but somehow he is leaving it all behind in school.</div><div><br></div><div>I feel a little sorry for the teachers as all the children are new and having to adjust. It's stressful for all the children and the reactions to this big change in their schooling is impacting on their behaviour in some cases. </div><div><br></div><div>For J this has manifested itself in a very short fuse with the boy teasing him. </div><div><br></div><div>Yesterday J managed to ignore "the boy who teases" and I gave him lots of praise for this as he finds this ignoring if teased very difficult. </div><div><br></div><div>That was yesterday though and today was another day. </div><div><br></div><div>So "the boy who teases" said something provocative to J and J responded by thumping him. The teacher got a thump too as she intervened to stop the boys fighting. J was mortified about that and to be fair I don't think he would ever knowingly hit a teacher...and never has in the past. They are the people he looks to for safety. </div><div><br></div><div>The deputy head who phoned me was fantastic, once J had calmed down he promptly said "I shouldn't have hit X (the boy who teases) but he provoked me".</div><div><br></div><div>This on its own is good as he recognised that he made a poor choice. The school are going to get him involved in writing a plan for when teasing happens. How he can ensure he doesn't hit out. </div><div><br></div><div>This is good but I am still concerned, I've never known J to hit other children who have teased him. </div><div>In the past he has raged and left the classroom or playground when teased, I have never known him to fight back. </div><div><br></div><div>In a way it's good that he IS fighting back but thumping someone is not the answer. And that's where the work begins on helping him find other appropriate ways of responding.</div><div><br></div><div>Aghhh! Damn the autism which makes it so hard for him. </div>Order and Chaoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03323101541530828744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2155478906657703211.post-30057521759262119982015-09-21T03:30:00.001-07:002015-09-21T03:33:41.331-07:00We love Grove House schoolSo J has been at Grove House School for just under two weeks now. It's safe to say all the students are still settling in and the staff are starting to get to know J!<div><br></div><div>J has already found issue with another child who lacks the self control needed not to mimic J or name call. As a result J has melted down nearly daily and required support. </div><div><br></div><div>As always it is difficult to get clear information from J and so I am not sure if he has been able to share this with the school. </div><div><br></div><div>Last night J drew this to describe what was happening. It was a great piece of communication and I have lots of praise. I wrote in quote marks what J told me. I am going to share it with the school. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIUAvW57S5rbHRB4vHeWxNRKwjge7NGvlQ_qVssO2CdUkqzeqaJX-XXMfSnp3LxX51fFiN7uEL0QKRjTQbdBI7wU0xKkmlHMnpY6HV443DaQ_MrgODLbMn0TLoeUC4L3Kj5vlfC-3s2-pL/s640/blogger-image--1926543618.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIUAvW57S5rbHRB4vHeWxNRKwjge7NGvlQ_qVssO2CdUkqzeqaJX-XXMfSnp3LxX51fFiN7uEL0QKRjTQbdBI7wU0xKkmlHMnpY6HV443DaQ_MrgODLbMn0TLoeUC4L3Kj5vlfC-3s2-pL/s640/blogger-image--1926543618.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">However despite this one boy J is struggling with all seems good.</span></div><div>This is what his class thinks of him</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZea8U7WaBxnRh_f6QwinNH82w7Xbef2H-CHi6BBiwk2ViwUce0v6miXETvF9jDjt5i2zOfwjWN_UPQN3HeQtSYIGBpMBUyOlmqHKf7O_UUf8wLfufpvZmR26bsgERj2dD6trqEw87VY9P/s640/blogger-image--607628320.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZea8U7WaBxnRh_f6QwinNH82w7Xbef2H-CHi6BBiwk2ViwUce0v6miXETvF9jDjt5i2zOfwjWN_UPQN3HeQtSYIGBpMBUyOlmqHKf7O_UUf8wLfufpvZmR26bsgERj2dD6trqEw87VY9P/s640/blogger-image--607628320.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div>That's now up on the wall.</div>Order and Chaoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03323101541530828744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2155478906657703211.post-57129673869603873332015-09-12T11:10:00.001-07:002015-09-12T11:10:45.047-07:00First DayJ has now done his first two days at Grove House School. He has returned home happy and relaxed on both days. <div><br></div><div>It can be difficult to get information about the school day from J but I have elicited the information that "it's much better than my old school". </div><div><br></div><div>I can well believe this as mainstream school no longer suited J. </div><div><br></div><div>The other information he remembered was about what he had for lunch. Chicken Korma on Thursday "the chicken was chewy" and "fish fingers and chips and a dark chocolate crispy cake" on Friday.</div><div><br></div><div>His home/school diary notes that he has had a great start to the term and is happy. </div><div><br></div><div>Onwards and upwards.</div>Order and Chaoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03323101541530828744noreply@blogger.com0Basildon Basildon51.587957 0.428512tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2155478906657703211.post-69495749977986339592015-09-06T04:14:00.001-07:002015-09-13T10:05:50.022-07:00School VisitYesterday we visited Grove House School and rejoiced.<br>
The school is tiny compared with the mainstream secondary school which J was attending. There are very few classrooms at Grove House although this will change with each year as they fill to capacity.<br>
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The deputy headteacher was lovely, I've met her previously when I visited the special school she used to teach at. She was fabulous then at looking through J's Statement and advising me. I am overjoyed to find her at Grove House.<br>
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Building work on the refurbishments are in their finishing stages and will be complete by Thursday when J begins.<br>
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There will be speech and language therapists within the classrooms and occupational therapists at other times depending upon the subject. There will be two LSA's and a teacher too, the classes will be small ....around 10-15 children per class so lots of support can be given.<br>
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I am so relieved that J has the opportunity of attending this school and am keeping everything crossed for a successful launch.<br>
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I will also join the PTA and fundraise for them. They are going to be so supported by parents who have had to wait for this much needed school.Order and Chaoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03323101541530828744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2155478906657703211.post-20154666740570946782015-08-01T05:18:00.002-07:002015-08-01T05:18:45.847-07:00We've done it!Finally, after all the sheer worry about how J was being let down by the mainstream school system we have hope.<br />
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J has been offered a place at Grove House School in Brentwood from September 2015.<br />
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It is no exaggeration to say I cried when I got the email from the Trustee dealing with admissions. It is such an enormous relief to know that he will be in a school which supports his learning in a way he can access it.<br />
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I am angry too, angry that it's been such a fight to reach this stage when it really should not have been. I get the impression that had I not been proactive as a parent, had I not had the strength and confidence to fight the Local Authority then J would have been left to flounder in a mainstream school and getting continual negative messages. It makes me wonder how many more children are out there, not succeeding in mainstream but just being left because their parents cannot "rock the boat" and demand a better service.<br />
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So J has a school place and I now have to find the money to buy a whole new uniform.....this will be a struggle as it was last year but I will do it. The new uniform has a bottle green blazer with the school logo on the pocket, white shirt, grey trousers and a black tie with a yellow and green stripe going through it. It will suit J very well and I can't wait for the first photo of him wearing it.Order and Chaoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03323101541530828744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2155478906657703211.post-33999674006063303792015-07-12T05:38:00.000-07:002015-07-12T05:41:51.957-07:00So they turned us down....On Friday I received the phone call I was dreading. J's case file had been discussed by the Panel for a special school placement and they turned him down. They didn't feel he was right for one of the C.L.i.P (Community Learning in Partnership) schools. They DID however suggest <a href="http://grovehouseschool.co.uk/" target="_blank">Grove House School</a> a new specialist special Free school opening in September 2015. Interestingly back in March this is the same school they told me would not accept J. They said in March that he wouldn't meet the criteria ...apparently now he does!<br />
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I have given them permission to send J's file over to Grove House school for consideration. Not wanting to leave anything to chance I emailed the school to say that J's file was coming to them and had the positive response of an email back the next day to say they had received J's info and would discuss it at an admission's meeting next week. I will know by the end of the week if J has a place there or not.<br />
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If he does then great, the write up looks amazing and here are only 10 pupils per year group. Teaching will be done with speech and language therapists on hand to support pupils who need visual aids and receptive language support (like J). An occupational therapist will be employed full time to support with sensory needs too and there will be a sensory room. If accepted then J could stay until he is 19.<br />
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If J is not accepted then we will go to tribunal for a place at the special school.<br />
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I am keeping all my fingers and toes crossed.<br />
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The other positive thing I take from this is that the LA have recognized mainstream education is not right for J and that he needs a different kind of teaching.Order and Chaoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03323101541530828744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2155478906657703211.post-53759551807628903352015-07-07T07:57:00.004-07:002015-07-08T12:44:49.296-07:00Executive disfunctionOne of the difficulties and impairments J has is with executive function. Put simply this means his game controller (or brain controller) is pressing many buttons at the same time and his brain (the console) is struggling to interpret this.<br />
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The result of all this extra activity is that J misses instructions and mislays objects at times. Sometimes from morning to evening, often from room to room or in school from lesson to lesson.<br />
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The school have detected this and made several plans which they have failed to keep to. One big issue has been with writing down homework in school, J's writing is literally unreadable and being asked to write down his homework under pressure doesn't work. Deciphering this homework is impossible and J cannot usually remember what he needs to do, then the school sanction him for not doing it.<br />
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Back in March J mislaid his PE kit for the second time since September, as money was tight I couldn't afford to replace everything at once and so I cobbled together a top and shorts but had no trainers which could be used. I replaced his trainers the following week when I could afford to do so.<br />
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The replacement of the trainers coincided with my receiving a letter from the school saying that J was issued with an after school detention for not having a complete PE kit during the previous week.<br />
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As we had recently had the Annual Review of James Statement where his executive function issues had been highlighted I asked if we could try using the plan instead of sanctioning J.<br />
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The SENCO did not agree and said that J should do the detention as issued. I pointed out that the reason he had lost his kit was down to his executive function impairments which the school had identified. She did not agree and reluctantly I allowed the detention to go ahead, in doing so I let J down.<br />
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J went to the detention which I envisaged taking place in a classroom, I pointed out to the school that sitting for an hour would be difficult for J but that if the PE teacher needed a cupboard tidying they could do this with him to make it easier. They did not do this.....instead something different happened.<br />
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So what happened during detention?<br />
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Firstly a teacher had to leave early which happens and is not anyones fault. This meant only two teachers left to supervise both the detention and the after school rugby club. So the teacher supervising detention lead the pupils in detention out to the rugby field where they stood for an hour on the sidelines watching the rugby.<br />
No problem one might think, well yes there WAS a problem...a big problem.<br />
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Firstly they had left J in an unsupervised and unstructured situation, something they already know he finds difficult. Secondly one of the other pupils in detention was a boy who was known for teasing J.<br />
Thirdly it was cold and J had forgotten his coat, it began to rain as well which was too much for J.<br />
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So J began to cry, his autism makes him emotional when he feels overwhelmed and he was upset. The "boy who teases J" called him a "cry baby" and J got more upset, J then lay on the ground and raged. The "boy who teases J" laughed at J and an argument commenced with both boys calling each other names and J getting more and more upset. Where were the teachers during this incident? They were on the field teaching rugby and did not witness what occurred.<br />
J was angry and emotional, he chased the other boy and threatened to "strangle" him but says the other boy was too fast. The boy and others continued to laugh and jeer at J who was already upset but all settled when the teacher came back to them.<br />
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So J was once again left, left in a situation he found hard to deal with, a situation the school already knew he struggled with.<br />
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J left detention an hour later in full meltdown, he screamed, he raged, he cried and he threw his bag to the ground. It was nearly 30 mins before he was calm enough to get in the car so that I could drive safely.<br />
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I was angry, he should not have done the detention in the first place as it was given for a circumstance outside of J's control (my inability to afford to replace his trainers immediately) and because J's executive function impairments really do mean that he has a tendency to lose things.<br />
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A far better approach would have been to say "we now have a plan to ensure he keeps track of items" and then to monitor this.<br />
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Since this detention the school have agreed to leave J's PE kit in the PE department so it cannot get lost. That was three months ago and to date it isn't happening, nobody remembers to ask for J's PE kit after each lesson and he brings it home. It's a matter of time before he loses it once more but this time I am ready and we will NOT be doing any detention.<br />
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I should add here that my issue is not with J's school as such but with a system which fails to recognize differences effectively enough. The teachers are fabulous and really nice committed people but the system for children like J at secondary level is pants. There is partial differentiation but what they practice is integration, this is NOT inclusion and is why I am now asking the Local Authority to place J in a special school which can meet his needs. From all I have read I am firmly expecting them to refuse.....and we will then be gong to tribunal because I am not leaving J's well-being to chance.<br />
<br />Order and Chaoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03323101541530828744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2155478906657703211.post-40063409040116737612015-07-03T02:28:00.003-07:002015-07-03T02:28:40.758-07:00Peaks, troughs and doubts.It's been roller coaster of a few weeks here which saw a final straw being added to my difficulties.This led to a trip away to think, decisions were made and unmade, tears were shed and frustrations expressed. I am calmer now but still with doubts and worries.<br />
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One of the problems when raising a child like J is trying to make the best decisions at the right time, as a parent I know I won't always get it right and my fear is that I will cause J long term issues because of decisions I make or don't make at this point.<br />
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Currently education is giving me headaches and nightmares despite the best efforts of individuals within J's school. I recently attended the parent/teacher evening where I met most of J's teachers and it was very reassuring. Everybody made nice comments about J, he was described as polite, enthusiastic, friendly and a lovely member of each class. Academically he has progressed a little since Easter but all in all he has made no progress at all this year. In some cases he is now a whole two levels lower than when he left Y6. My problems with this is that J is not unintelligent, he is bright, he knows what he wants to say and has lots to contribute. All his teachers said the same but commented about his poor handwriting, about his struggle to concentrate, also his fast paced brain thinking ahead and asking about stuff the teacher has not yet covered. Yet he remains in all the bottom sets and his assessed levels put him in the bottom 15% of achievement. Something somewhere is wrong and I suspect that is mainstream education with its fast paced approach and one size fits all ethos.<br />
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A local education advocacy service is now offering me support and their opinion is that J is in the wrong setting, the problem with this though is that the ideal setting does not exist, at least not in the state sector. I have requested a change to a happy medium,a special school which will meet J's needs more than adequately but at a slower pace than mainstream school. In making this request I am going to war with the local authority but I am beyond accepting the cheapest most convenient option for them.<br />
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So all the paper work went in on Tuesday along with a diary of incidents to show what J has experienced this year. A covering letter tells the Local Authority that I have no faith in the mainstream system. It also says that I have little faith in the Local Authority either as I suspect they are prepared to accept the lowest possible achievements and outcomes for J in the name of saving money.<br />
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I have news for them, they are not balancing their budget with MY child as a casualty...not now and not ever.<br />
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Watch this space.<br />
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<br />Order and Chaoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03323101541530828744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2155478906657703211.post-14379336757756102522015-06-03T10:27:00.000-07:002015-06-03T10:27:34.502-07:00Left hand/Right hand confusion part 2So following a productive meet up between the SENCO plus myself and M on Monday, a few plans were made.<br />
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The SENCO agreed that J should not be writing down his homework and said she would email all teachers to remind then of this.<br />
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Today....J has come out of school telling me he has a lunchtime detention tomorrow for not doing his IT homework. Oh really, what IT homework would that be then? Something they evidently have not written down.<br />
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Secondly on checking J's homework book I found he had yet again been left to write in his French homework. I have now asked three times for an adult to record the homework<br />
J has hypermobility in his joints, this means that writing is difficult for him. Asking him to write down homework in the rush that is the end of each lesson means barely legible scrawl. Add to this his<br />
impaired executive function issues and you have a problem. Not only can I not read J's writing. ..nor can J!<br />
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Got home, phoned the school and left a terse message for the SENCO and the IT teacher pointing out that J's Statement was not bring adhered to and that I wanted a call back from ons or both of them before midday tomorrow . In fact scratch that as tomorrow morning I am going in there. ....again.Order and Chaoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03323101541530828744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2155478906657703211.post-13468402044657234922015-06-01T05:52:00.001-07:002015-06-01T06:30:10.216-07:00Oh dear, the left hand and the right hand are not talking!Today I went into J's school to discuss the letter I recieved at the beginning of half term.<br />
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I spoke with the SENCO, the conversation regarding the letter went like this.....<br />
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Me: "Were you aware this letter was being sent out"?<br />
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SENCO: "No I wasn't".<br />
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Great!<br />
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So the school has my child with a Statement of SEN, the teachers are experiencing problems with J and are expressing concern about effort and level of progress. Wouldn't you think the obvious thing to do would be ...er....speak to the SENCO about the concerns? <br />
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Instead they sent out a blanket letter with no real plan beyond signing a report card each day which reports on how he has been in class with regards to his work. I have no issue with this per se as J has just had an increase in medication. Monitoring how he is responding is a good thing and will allow me to see how effective the increased dose is. I am not happy for it to be used as a punitive sanction though, especially when there has been no discussion with the SEN department.<br />
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I then had the joy of a discussion with J's caseworker at the LEA, I wanted to know if his case had been to Panel yet for possibke admission to a local special school which offers a mainstream curriculum. The caseworker's response was "actually no. I didn't think we were going ahead with that'."<br />
"Ummm.....yes we are, in fact J's Dad is especially keen for this to be looked at....as I explained to you at the Annual Review."<br />
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I despair, I really do.Order and Chaoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03323101541530828744noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2155478906657703211.post-37752488863397486042015-05-31T09:23:00.000-07:002015-05-31T09:23:17.322-07:00Handwriting hellJ's handwriting is, it's safe to say, a nightmare. There are several reasons for this but the bulk of the issue appears to be his hypermobile joints which mean he finds handwriting difficult and gets aching hands and fingers when trying to write for any long period of time. <div>
At junior school handwriting was less of an issue because although J can rush he could be told to repeat work and slow down. At secondary school the pace is much quicker and he is keeping up at all. At the end of September I asked the SENCO if I should buy some handwriting practice books to try and help J increase the speed and accuracy of his writing. I was told there was no need because they woukd do a handwriting assessment and they would look at alternative methods of recording work for J. At the beginning of March this had not happened and I was told again that they would do a handwriting assessment. Today we are almost at the beginning of June, J's academic progress is going backwards and his handwriting is virtually unreadable. I have asked him if anyone has assessed his handwriting or sat down with him to check how fast he can write things down. The answer was a predictable "no". </div>
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So a whole academic year has gone by, much has been promised but little has been delivered apart from a once a week session with his lovely key worker who is good with him. Things that should have happened have not. </div>
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So tomorrow I will be in the school and waiting to speak to someone or arrange a meeting. The Local Education Authority can expect a call too. I want J out of this school and placed in an educational establishment which can meet his needs properly and which won't make plans and promises they cannot keep.</div>
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Order and Chaoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03323101541530828744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2155478906657703211.post-39136610478682029912015-05-28T01:02:00.001-07:002015-05-28T01:02:48.631-07:00Tears and FrustrationsJ has now been in his secondary school since September, to say it has been rocky is an understatement. The school carefully chosen for its small size and good reputation for special needs is proving to be something of a let down. To be fair this is not the fault necessarily of the school but of the whole "one size fits all" approach of mainstream schools. To be frank, most mainstream schools will struggle if they have a large cohort of students with special needs, the staff don't have the experience, teachers are overworked and underpaid for the job they are expected to do, Statements and support plans will be skimmed over rather than read properly and the funding has decreased in a major way. Schools now have to find far more of the funding for their students with additional needs than they used to.<br />
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J is struggling, the SENCO has noted that he is more subdued than before (good observation skills there, as J can be pretty "full on"). In addition his results academically are going backwards despite the Statement and despite a meeting at the beginning of March which was goug to address the change in J's needs. <br />
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Now we have a letter, like all "not good news" letters from schools this arrived on Saturday morning right at the beginning of half term. It says that they are not happy with J's level of work or his effort in class. So okay.....I need to address this with J and with the school as the letter is meaningless without some detail.<br />
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Is J being lazy and difficukt in class? Yes that is possible as J can be very lazy if a subject doesn't interest him or he finds it difficult. I have ways and means of tackling this.<br />
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Is J not showing sufficient concentration? If this is the case I have recently had an appointment with his paediatrician who feels that based upon his weight and height he needs a higher dose of Mediknet so it's been increased. If this IS the issue then we should quickly see a change in the situation.<br />
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Is it down to homework not always being completed? This is possible too as J hates homework and doesn't see the point of "schools stuff" at home. Homework is a regular nightmare here not made any easier by the fact that it is not always written down for J as it should be or even worse....J is left to write it down at the end of a lesson. Given his dyspraxia and hypermobile joints this is a disaster as even if he DOES record it in the right place (rarely), the fate he is rushing means it cannot be read by me and more importantly by J! The annoying point here is that I have asked the school several times to ensure an adult writes down J's homework for him so I have a fighting chance of u dear standing what is being asked of him.<br />
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Whatever the reasons are I need yet another meeting with the school to try and address what is happening. I have noted that J is frequently mentioning run ins with other pupils once again...and on Friday when I collected him he mentioned difficulties that day. Apparently he stormed from one classroom after being teased by another pupil, in another lesson a teaching assistant had to take him out and wait while he calmed down after a similar incident. Again, if these issues have contributed to the letter then I need to raise it with the school.<br />
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I think what is making me the most uneasy though is the fact that nowhere on the letter does it mention any liaison with the SEN department and my concern is that they know nothing about it. If this is the case then I have a decision to make as I cannot place my faith in a school where departments and staff do not communicate....especially when the subject is a child with special needs who is showing obvious signs of struggling.<br />
<br />Order and Chaoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03323101541530828744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2155478906657703211.post-36663069962915881942014-08-07T08:21:00.002-07:002014-08-08T12:38:32.976-07:00Resurrection.With secondary school looming for J it is time I resurrected this blog, if only for my own sanity at times.<br />
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J is now 11 years old and it seems a lifetime since I started this blog when I had just a quirky little boy and no idea why. I have ridden over the assessments, the diagnoses and the decision about medication for ADHD. I have seen my son go from barely able to read and not achieving National Curriculum Level 1 at age 8 to the giddy heights of NC Level 4 just three short years later. I have recently watched him receive an award for the massive progress he made in Key stage 2 and I have witnessed his confidence grow, it has been a difficult but very rewarding few years.<br />
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His temper? Ah yes we still have the temper and the rages, but the bedroom door frame has been reinforced and a new cabin bed prevents the door from being slammed. He can still be very oppositional at times and sleep can still be a closed book for both of us. We live with that though and muddle through.<br />
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So Jnis doing well, I am still doing well too, the black beast of depression still rears it's head from time to time but on the whole I am on top of it. I am also much much aware of the warning signs now which allow me to take some kind of action to veer away from it (mostly).<br />
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J will be attending a mainstream secondary school from September, the school in question being chosen as the smallest one in our town with just over 750 children on roll as opposed to 1500+ in all the others. Happily it is also the school his primary feeds into which means he will have many familiar faces around...a relief for him and me.<br />
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So we are now well into school uniform purchasing which is why I am currently broke ..ah well such is life. I am expecting the bill to be around £350 by the time I have finished...and no second hand shop either.<br />
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From September I will be working every day in my newish job as a teaching assistant. I love it and the extra hours will help me financially as well. It does mean though that I will need the odd hour out here and there for meetings. I have the first meeting at J's new school on 24th September to discuss their plans for his first year. I am hopeful that with the additional support they have asked for and got that J will do well.Order and Chaoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03323101541530828744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2155478906657703211.post-2776881759107718102013-12-02T09:43:00.001-08:002013-12-02T09:43:31.248-08:0030 day blogging challengeResurrecting the Blog for this 30 day challenge......if I complete this it will be a miracle!<br />
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So J.......J is amazing, wonderful and achieving ....did I mention he was brilliant too?<br />
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J recently joined a local drama group with me, they are an adult group but needed children to take part as they were doing A Christmas Carol.<br />
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J showed no great enthusiasm when I suggested this but came along willingly with me......as long as he could bring the iPad with him.<br />
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I rapidly noted that he was showing interest in the rehearsing and he LOVED the read through we did before the parts were assigned.<br />
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Eventually J was assigned the part of "Cockney Boy"...the one Scrooge sends for the turkey after the ghosts have been. I was assigned the part of "Old Hag", according to J's Dad this is called "typecasting"....he will freeze when he next stays here.<br />
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We had several weeks of rehearsals and J discovered that acting was not all glory and simplicity but involved a lot of waiting around and boredom in between his lines.<br />
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Despite J's little quirks the drama group were AMAZING with him, not once were any of his issues a problem for the director. If he couldn't look at Scrooge when delivering his lines then that was no problem, just look upstage. One of the other cast members is a drama teacher and once we got into the theatre spent just five minutes with J on the stage by which point he delivered his lines loudly and clearly.<br />
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On performance nights he was a star, family and friends who came to see him were amazed by what he achieved.<br />
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As for J the success was a massive achievement for him and a wonderful and welcome boost to his self esteem.<br />
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This Friday we perform the show again in a local church, this promises to be very atmospheric and I cant wait. J though, is relaxed and nonchalant...he knows his lines and is taking it all in his stride....am very proud of him.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Order and Chaoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03323101541530828744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2155478906657703211.post-67955623867936289442013-04-12T12:54:00.001-07:002013-04-12T12:54:58.938-07:00Easter with JIt's been an age since I blogged and for that I have no reason other than life getting in the way but today it is Friday, it is evening, J is in the bath and I have just finished my second glass of wine.<br />
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J has had a nice Easter, he has seen his Dad and they have discussed Dr Who at length and we have been to the library to choose one Dr Who DVD followed by another the following week. I have seen more YouTube fan videos of Dr Who than I care to remember.<br />
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J had his friend A round and they enjoyed themselves. J met A at the local special needs centre. They both have the diagnosis of ASD and are very similar. They enjoy each others company but each seems to have an understanding that the other also needs time alone. J and A had a nice day ...once I had taken down the Gustav Klimt <a href="http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/485276_10150646718977670_1792527221_n.jpg" target="_blank">canvas print</a> from the wall which A explained was "creeping me out". A was unable to explain why this was but if anyone can enlighten me I'd love to know.....is it her face?<br />
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While A and J played, I was able to enjoy coffee and a chat with A's Mum who is fabulous.....just knowing she understands makes me feel not quite so alone sometimes. Like J, A also appears a "normal" and lovely little boy, but like J he has his issues which have lead to a severe bullying problem in school to the extent that he is starting a new school after Easter which is smaller and appears to have a better approach to inclusion. It has not been an easy time for A or his parents who have had to fight against unhelpful prejudices and blinkered approaches. I am more grateful than ever for J's school which has always been so supportive to him.<br />
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Last weekend J should have gone to Wales with his Dad to see his grandparents, last weekend I was looking forward to the relaxation which only a few days off can bring but...."I don't want to go"....and he was adamant. As his Dad was a bit low from the break up of a relationship I felt he could do with the time to himself so J remained here and I have remained tired and J has reacted to my tiredness and it has been hard/<br />
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So J is back at school on Monday much to his disgust, he has done homework and as a treat has been to the cinema and been taken out for lunch and ice cream all of which was a snip at just over £40! Two hours after we arrived home J had lost his temper, bashed the iPad with his hand and informed me that I was "the worstest mother"!<br />
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Ho hum!Order and Chaoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03323101541530828744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2155478906657703211.post-47903466187690999832012-07-30T06:14:00.002-07:002012-07-30T06:14:29.064-07:00Tudor and Jousting fun plus a little bit of religion.For those who know J's father, it is fairly obvious that J is the proverbial "chip off the old block". Like his Dad he has a love of performing to an audience and generally he is very good at this, although if a rigid structure like a play is going on, a change in the performance can be distressing.<br />
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As well as this, J has achieved his ambition of being an Altar Server at church, it was with great trepidation that I agreed to let him try this as being autistic can make him fairly...random...at times. I took him on a Tuesday evening for the nice quiet evening Mass being led by the lovely (and maybe slightly eccentric) FrB .<br />
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J looked like a little angel in his white alb and just needed the halo and wings for the look to be complete. He went round the altar lighting candles to general oohs and aahs of the elderly ladies in the congregation and comments of "oh isn't he sweet". Given that J had been abominable earlier that evening my thoughts went along the lines of "if you pay me enough you can have him". All went well apart from at the beginning of Mass when he announced aloud to FrB (and the congregation in general) that he sounded "like the captain of a pirate ship"! Thankfully FrB took this in his stride and the rest of the service went without a hitch....J is very proud of himself.<br />
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So off he has gone with his Dad to be a "Tudor boy" while Dad remains <a href="http://www.goodkinghal.co.uk/" target="_blank">Henry VIIIth</a> and the <a href="http://www.hevercastle.co.uk/jousting-knights.aspx" target="_blank">jousters </a>remain excellent at riding horses and slapstick comedy designed to keep an audence entertained.<br />
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J has had an absolutely fantastic time doing this and has enjoyed the friendship of V, the daughter of "Anne Boleyn". V is the smae age as J but they have agreed that she won't tell her boyfriend and J will not tell M (his "girlfriend") about their friendship. They are seen having a cuddle together when either is tired and it is all apparently very sweet.</div>
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This week J has an appointment with Judy, a dressmaker who J's Dad knows and who makes all his costumes, she is going to make a costume for J to wear when he goes off with his Dad - naturally with Dad being Henry VIIIth it is natural that J shoukd be Prince Edward VIIth although much less sickly.</div>
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I cannot wait to see him today and tomorrow he is once again an Altar Server.</div>
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With FrB being off "doing essential pastoral work on some remote islands " (ie holidaying in Fiji) we have the services of the hard working FrD - I hope he is ready for J.</div>
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<br />Order and Chaoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03323101541530828744noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2155478906657703211.post-64684555116781769812012-07-29T13:35:00.002-07:002012-07-29T13:35:39.471-07:00Doctors, medication and fun.So we went off to the paediatrician with J who treated her to the fun of himself in full flow. He lay on the couch, got off the couch, went under the couch, weighed himself, stood on the height scale and generally became distracted by all the bits in the room.<br />
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Discussed his situation with the doctor and she checked his blood pressure to find that it had indeed returned to normal after a week without medication. Lots of discussion and thought after which we decided that as J's medication works so well he would be better off continuing on it but at a reduced dose. So we have reduced the drug doseage by one third and will monitor things, J will return in two weeks for a blood pressure check and hopefully will be not too inconvenienced by the reduction in the drug.<br />
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The lovely doctor also gave me some Melatonin to tackle J's sleep difficulties and we will see if this brings his "falling asleep" time forward from midnight to a more reasonable hour like 9pm! <br />
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So a few days in and J appears to be coping well with the reduced dose, he is still calm with it and can sit down to read a book, the food issues are unchanged but nothing new there and all in all I am hoping we have a good outcome to the medication issues. The proof of it will really be seen once J returns to school in September and has to face the daily noise and stresses of the classroom once more.<br />
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The issue with Facebook is not yet sorted but will be given full attention in September when school returns.<br />
<br />Order and Chaoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03323101541530828744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2155478906657703211.post-40642704987190902012012-07-22T01:58:00.001-07:002012-07-22T01:58:27.337-07:00(Two) Face(d)BookIt has been a week of pure Hell!<br />
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On Tuesday I recieved a call from J's school, he had a headache and could they give him some Calpol? Yes they could of course.<br />
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Then I checked his blood pressure...I did it three times as is recommended and took the best of three which was 148/96 - so sky high. I rang my GP with a bit of a sinking heart because I knew the advice was going to be "stop the Mediknet", the drug which allows J to focus in school and which helps him deal with the sensory overload a normal classroom brings. <br />
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I stopped the Mediknet and the next day in school was a disaster, J simply could not cope. Even worse he had a part in the school concert which he had been so looking forward to. He managed half his part before all went wrong, the children accidentally missed a tiny section of the play out; not a huge thing by any stech of the imagination but it was disasterous for J whose autism does not allow for changes easily. So J became confused and bewildered, he went onto the stage when he should not have been there, nothing too wrong in that as he simply took part in the singing and then left the stage when he realised he should not be there. He went to his 1-1 and I could see he was becoming upset and starting to cry, his lovely 1-1 (Sally) tried to help him but he would not be consoled and so his class teacher took him out and the child who did the part at the previous concert took over. <br />
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By 1.40pm the school were on the phone, could I please come and collect J as he was at risk of injuring himself (and others). I went and collected J who was in the medical room when I got there and active as anything, when he saw me he became emotional and started to cry, he sat on my lap and cuddled into me with great heaving sobs and kept repeating "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry". It was hideous.<br />
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The next day we had a meeting with the headteacher, J's Dad drove up from Somerset to be there too. <br />
We decided along with the headteacher and with the SENCO that J was unlikely to get anything out of attending school for the final two days and so he spent those two days with me as "authorised absence". Naturally in the calmer and quieter environment of home he was easier to deal with...and we had the Lego out, he bounced on the trampoline and we read.<br />
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By Friday I had managed to speak to the paediatrician and an appointment was arranged for 25th July and I heaved a sigh of relief. The tension I had felt for the previous few days began to ease although I still felt an awful tightness about my chest but it was better now I knew an appointment was in place.<br />
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Then the phone rang......<br />
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A parent who I know rang me in my capacity as Governor, she didn't kno what to do but there had been a lot of complaining on Facebook regarding the school's reward scheme and halfway down the responses was a parent stating that "I bet that little shit who ruined the Yr 4 concert got a reward, he was on stage when he should not have been and ruined the hard work of all the other children". <br />
Initially I put this down to the ramblings of someone who did not know J's diagnosis....until the name was passed on. I was stunned, this parent has a child with a disability herself and is very nice to my face outside the schoolgates and even worse she knows very well the diagnosis J has.<br />
J's Dad was fuming and sent her a message via Facebook pointing out that J was autistic and telling her that referring to him (or any child) as "a little shit" was hideous. Her response was interesting...<br />
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She was not apologising<br />
J spoiled the hard work of all the other children<br />
J misbehaved and got away with it<br />
She "knows" about special needs as she has a child with special needs herself (so that qualifies her obviously to make ignorant comments).<br />
The school should not have let J take part if he was distressed<br />
The school were at fault.<br />
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So I am uptight all over again...but I am not letting this get to me as I have the whole summer to get through yet. I have copies of her messages (and all the others complaining about the school) and they will be going to the headteacher as soon as I get back.<br />
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But it's interesting.......she is so nice to my face....but evidently not behind my back and now I am wondering how many others are the same.<br />
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<br />Order and Chaoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03323101541530828744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2155478906657703211.post-32478800218712398292012-07-14T00:03:00.002-07:002012-07-29T13:36:17.146-07:00Truth hurts!There are occasions where I wonder about the diagnosis J received because his vocabulary is so good, he can mask a great deal simply because at times he can talk the talk and give a good impression of having understood and processed things when in fact he has not. <br />
There are other occasions when I know that the diagnosis of autism was quite correct and J tells me in no uncertain terms either verbally or in other ways. His non-verbal ways include retreating under a table, hands over ears while he hisses loudly at all comers!<br />
Sometimes like all those on the spectrum he is unfailingly truthful with no thought about how his words or actions affect others - or maybe he HAS considered how his actions affect someone and does it anyway.<br />
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So J does NOT like being teased or laughed at or called names, it upsets and distresses him but it also makes him very angry. His anger has led to several incidents in school which have often involved him bolting from the classroom or retreating under a desk to hiss at anyone who comes near. <br />
Just lately though his talk while upset about things is of physical violence and he wants to hit or punch someone or other for their wrongs against him. We have talked about this in depth and J knows that hitting others is both wrong and not very nice. However, as I explained to the nice CAMHS (Child & Adolescent Mental Health Service) who visited to carry out an assessment, it IS just talk and so far he has not hit anyone. Little did I know that as we were talking, the school were sorting out yet another issue of teasing which had culminated in J thumping the boy who had upset him. The school had handled this very well (as is usual with them) and J had eventually apologised to the other child who had graciously apologised for teasing him and accepted J's apology. All was well.<br />
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So that evening I discuassed the incident with J who explained that the other boy who is in the year above him had called him "stupid". This had upset J very much and so ..."I hit him".<br />
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I asked J how he had felt after hitting the other child expecting to hear "I was sorry" but instead got "I felt pleased because it hurt him and I wanted it to really hurt".<br />
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Okaaayyyyyy! So we discussed it further while J raged about being teased and told me about all the other children he planned to hit too! Then eventually he calmed down and told me "but then after a while I felt sad about hurting him and I said sorry and he said sorry too and we are both alright".<br />
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So this child teased J, he processed it but could not follow the usual rules about finding an adult (or maybe DID think about that and chose to ignore that advice) and the other child was thumped. J was utterly truthful about his intentions to hurt and that worries me a great deal, he is getting bigger all the time and much stronger. He is also maturing though and with that maturity might come more self control.<br />
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I am hoping......Order and Chaoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03323101541530828744noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2155478906657703211.post-7412999407793497712012-07-07T01:09:00.004-07:002012-07-07T01:09:51.806-07:00Team Around the Child meetingWe recently had a Team Around the Child (TAC) meeting regarding J in school. This involves several people involved with J sitting round a table to look at his progress and to discuss what other input might help him with specific issues.<br />
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Firstly we had an update from the school, J is making progress and achieving well although his "achieving well" is not that of a standard child but finally after all this time he is moving from "below average" to "average". Certain situations and frustration still have him fleeing the classroom or retreating under a desk with his hands over his ears and hissing at anyone who comes near but on the whole this has all improved. My quirky little boy is growing up and starting cope with some things he could not previously manage. His LSA (Learning Support Assistant), Sally reported that J was making progress in leaps and bounds with reading and that he had finally accepted he would not be playing the lead role in the class play (this acceptance took weeks and weeks of talking and discussion). He is playing the allocated part with gusto and enjoying it.<br />
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The local health visitor for children with learning difficulties told me of a local group named SHARE which ran after school activites for children with special needs. I have the number and will give them a ring.<br />
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The local CAMHS were conspicuous by their absence and had sent a letter saying J's challenges could all be met within "Tier 2 services" , ie not urgent. I now have a letter and an appointment for an assessment which will see J join yet another very very long waiting list. Similar to the sensory occupational therapy one on which he has now been waiting for two years.<br />
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The specialist teacher (Ros) reported good success with a social communication group involving Lego. J has to explain a brick type to one child who has to pass the correct brick to a second child (the buildre) and then explain how to build a Lego design brick by brick. J is not allowed to touch the bricks and has to explain using only verbal communication. The "not touching the bricks" bit took some discussion and acceptance but Ros reported that J did well with guidance and that she was looking forward to working on all this with him again.<br />
<br />
And at home, J remains challenging at times and now adding in that he can "look after myself,", this from the child who can still not put on his own socks with ease. This accusation comes from being forbidden to play with certain children outside (we live in a quiet cul de sac) who ask J out to play simply because they can tease him or get him to do things they know are not allowed. J thinks they are his "friends" and it is taking a great deal of discussion to try and get across that friends do not ask you to do unwise things.....like smash a glass bottle they have handed to you. Nor do they say "if you don't do that we won't be your friends..". It's a steep learning curve for J and he remains isolated at times which is hard to see.<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />Order and Chaoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03323101541530828744noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2155478906657703211.post-5334008415396263162012-06-18T06:02:00.005-07:002012-06-18T06:02:37.306-07:00Open letter<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
To the family and
friends of J's Dad,</div>
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I have a feeling that
this will be a very cathartic post to write.</div>
<br />
Two days ago a friend
who shall remain nameless sent me a “screengrab” of a Facebook
status left by J's Dad following an email I sent to him.<br />
<br />
The email was sent
following huge frustration when yet again J's Dad had no money to
give us, he agreed when we separated to pay me £200 a month for J –
and to be fair he has done this most months bar one in August 2010.
The money is usually paid as and when J's Dad has it and recently in
amounts of £50 here or there – not easy then to plan financially.<br />
<br />
I sent an email to J's
Dad moaning about this and also made a couple of suggestions
regarding how he could make more of his time here with J. I pointed
out that I knew he loved J very much and that having proper 1-1 time
together would be beneficial for them both. J's Dad took this as a
criticism of his parenting (and to be fair I was critical) and
interpreted it as “I have just been told I am a crap father” - a
thought he then posted to his Facebook page for you all to see.<br />
<br />
The responses are
“interesting” to say the least.<br />
<br />
To my sister in law who
deemed me “the benefits queen”, I would like to point out that
since 1982 I have worked non-stop and paid tax. My only period out of
work has been since March this year while I help J (your nephew
remember) through some difficulties he is having which were impacting
upon me in my job. It is interesting that this is your response
though – I wonder what conversations have taken place about me for
this to be your opinion. I could tell you the REAL reason I
left....but I won't because I respect your brother's feelings (and my
J's feelings and future) far too much to do so.<br />
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
To the person who said
“serves you right for marrying a girl from Basildon”, remember
that “the girl from Basildon” supported J's Dad as he started his
business and worked to pay the rent and as many bills as possible
while it got off the ground. All done while effectively being a
single parent as J's Dad was away so much and also dealing with the
initial concerns about J when it became apparent he was not
developing in the same way as other children of his age.</div>
<br />
To the person who
advised J's dad to “see a solicitor asap mate” - fat chance of
that happening as it would cost money he does not have, instead he
has suggested that <i>I</i> see a solicitor – being “the benefits
queen” means I get Legal Aid after all. I have an appointment for
September – being on Legal Aid means the services are few and far
between.<br />
<br />
I know J's dad deleted
the status update because he was asked to by my Mum – not before he
had clicked “like” to all responses though – interesting that
he “liked” the “benefits queen” one but there you go. He says
he barely read them – yeah right! I also know now that many members
of my family (beyond my Mum) saw the status and the responses and
naturally they piled in to the bun fight that followed, more because
they knew I would not see it and had no way of defending myself
against some of the comments posted.<br />
<br />
As always while working
in this area today, J's Dad is staying with “the girl from
Basildon” who continues to support the business in saving hotel
costs up here – a little appreciation of that fact would not go
amiss.<br />
<br />
Cheers!<br />Order and Chaoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03323101541530828744noreply@blogger.com0