Idleness, drums and the fidgets

Over the past week J has surprised me by suddenly becoming capable of putting on his own socks. This has been a constant problem for him over the past few years as socks are  fiddly items to apply to feet and J has struggled. On Sunday J and I went swimming and had a great time especially as J is proving to be an adept swimmer. After our swim we went to get dressed before heading off with his cousins for some chocolate induced fun. J could hardly wait to get out of the changing rooms and before I knew it was dressed (if not quite dry) right down to socks and shoes on his feet. My appointment with the OT flashed before my eyes as I recalled telling them that J "cannot manage socks". This was a few short weeks ago and yet here was J having proved that when the impetus is there he can quite perfectly manage them. The words "idle little monkey" wandered through my mind and connected themselves to J! All this time I have been dressing him when the lazy little tyke could quite perfectly manage himself. But then I recalled the persistant palmer grip, the difficulties he has definitely experienced in school and which have been noted by everyone who works with him. Just because he can now manage does not mean this has always been the case, however, quite obviously matters have improved but the darling child was not going to attempt any task that he could  get his mother to perform for him.
So we now have a change to the morning routine. No longer do I assist J to get dressed, instead I lay all his clothes out for him and then "race" him to see who can get dressed the quickest,  J always wins AND his clothes are on the right way round too. Not bad for a child with "bendy fingers" who "can't do it Mum". A quiet word was had with the school about this latest progress and a request to continue encouraging J's independance - when he goes swimming on Thursday he will be doing his own socks.

This afternoon I went to see J in his school play. J's class did the story of the Nativity and J has been proudly telling me for weeks that "I'm an actor Mummy". Further questioning elicited the information that he was "being a Roman soldier" and then came the killer.... "and I am the drummer too".  Bless the school, they have taken my son - the noise king - and entrusted him with a drum in the school play. No way was I going to miss this - so 1.20pm today found me queuing outside the school with Nanny, the first parents/grandparents there in fact. For too long I have rushed out of work to try and catch J's assemblies and plays at school and I am ALWAYS last there and always right at the back catching scarcely a glimpse of J. This time I was first and determined to be right in the front row in full view of J. This is what I cut my hours for... to be around and visible for J. And oh was I visible. Right in the front row, right in the middle and right opposite J and his class mates.
For the first time ever J was not accompanied in by a teaching assistant and walked in proudly with his classmates carrying a drum, he was dressed in a costume and looked very proud of himself as he lined up with the other Roman soldiers. The Nativity was beautiful and J was fabulous with his drum... he was also very restrained and only used the drum when it was called for in the script. Towards the end of the show he started to get what I call "an itchy bum" and began to fidget - lifting himself up and treating all the visiting parents to the sight of his pants. Eventually tiring of the show he left his classmates and brought himself over to my side. Mrs M the fierce but wonderful class teacher (who was sat next to me) said to J in her broad Northern Irish accent "Now J - you need to sit on the floor by Mummy and don't move". And do you know what... he hardly did move. I really MUST get Mrs M round at bedtime.

Giving J a "label".

I have been pondering a bit since my letter from the community paediatrician - his impressions were as posted before, dyslexia, dyspraxia and social communication disorder. As the OT said "that's quite a label" and it's this thought which gives me some disquiet. J definitely has some problems which were picked up at nursery. To me though he is and always was just J with all his little foibles and idiosyncracies. The problems he displayed in nursery were exactly the same as the ones he displayed at home but in the context of a crowded nursery and now a classroom can be irksome and hard to manage for the teacher and teaching assistant. This is why J has so much 1-1 support and I am grateful he has this. Seeing the paediatrician was supposed to be another opinion for the education service - a different perspective and a way for them to add to the picture of J's needs to see if a Statutory Assessment needs to be carried out. What concerns me is:

• Children with any sort of label have a set of behaviours which apply to that label. I wonder how much of this is the actual underlying problem and how much of it is a child behaving in the way expected of him for the diagnosis.
• The SEN label may become applied right throughout his school years with his educators having a lower expectation of him as a result. This is fine if his educational attainment would be low no matter what but it is NOT okay if he has potential which is missed as a result of the lower expectations.
• The other issue is that J is a carbon copy of me and except for the reading issue I was exactly the same at school. I found it hard to read social situations too and as a result was bullied and totally unable to cope with this. The difference is that although I saw educational psychologists I did not get any sort of label as I might have done now. I read well but coasted through school as I struggled to apply myself - once I was adult enough to do so I never looked back and studied various subjects throughout the next 20 years including gaining a degree.
• J has always achieved some things later than others. He spoke very late but babbled almost constantly to himself in a nonsense language showing that language development was there and would come...as it did when he was 3.5 years old. And dyspraxia? J crawled at 5.5 months old - hardly dyspraxic wouldn't you agree?
• Children seem to be given all kinds of labels these days. I've lost count of the number of children diagnosed with ADHD (and with which I was determined the paediatrician would not label J ). My friend had a daughter with ADHD - true ADHD - she rarely slept longer than 2-4 hours and even as an adult  still requires medication.

When did difficulties in behaviour and in skills become worthy of a medical diagnosis? I am not someone who says these things do not exist - they have always been there but have we gone too far in the desire for a label?  I think we might have done especially if you consider that once a label is applied it may well be there for life and affect the child as an adult trying to live a normal life with the label of whatever around his neck.

So despite what the paediatrician has said I am placing myself firmly on the "let's wait and see" line. Despite my previous post I am keeping an open mind on dyslexia following the response from a blog reader. It's possible J could be dyslexic.... I don't think it's a case of ABT (Ain't Been Taught) as if this was the case then few of his classmates would be reading either and all indications are that this is not the case judging by the number of "free readers" among his peers (free readers are those who have progressed through the reading program and are now allowed a free choice of books to read and feed back on).

I am happy for J to have a label if it's the right one and if it will guarentee him the support he needs in the classroom. Otherwise I'd like the medical profession to keep it's labels for those who need them and I'll continue seeing the OT service who are offering practical support to J and the SENCO who is assessing and applying various techniques to help J in the areas he struggles. I am equally happy for J to go into the social communication group (something which might have helped me as a child) especially if it helps him to make sense of his world and means he can build up good lasting relationships with his peers.

Dyslexia? I am not so sure......

One of the issues raised by the community paediatrician was the possibility of Dyslexia. J at almost 7 cannot read beyond simple words...longer words tend to be mixed up and sounded backwards hence the suspicion of dyslexia. However, some of the signs suggested by the Dyslexia Institue do not apply to J. He knows the days of the week although he needs to check what comes before and after each day sometimes, he knows his numbers even if he is behind the rest of his peers with numeracy. He is also ace at following instructions for Lego cars, figures and rockets... something I think many dyslexic children would find difficult. This morning J has constructed a Lego Bionicle Robot from scratch using all the instructions and his "bendy fingers", which have been used as an excuse in the past week to NOT even try to do other tasks. He succeeded without any input from me and was rather pleased with himself when he had finished. Well done J - your Mum is proud of you.
Now I just need J to apply himself with equal enthusiasm to writing and other tasks which require he uses his "bendy fingers". He has been informed that the excuse "I can't do it because my fingers are extra bendy" will not wash with either Mum or any of his teachers. "Bendy fingers" are a problem but don't excuse him from trying.... and as this photo shows, his "bendy fingers" can work quite well.

Take one Christmas tree.....

Take one Christmas tree and add one Naughty Tortie who likes climbing trees.............

...... and you get.....






.... an extra decoration for the tree.... or "Cat in a Christmas Tree". The very beautiful Drusilla who at nearly 3 has not forgotten her kittenhood and J thinks she is great.

You have to love logic.......

"Hmmm" said J as he delved down the freezer on his return from school. "This is the last one" he noted holding aloft a Cadbury's" choc ice on a stick" which I hoped to hide from him until after bedtime. "Yes it's the last one" I agreed, "would you like it"? Fat chance of him saying "no it's okay Mummy I want you to have it". So J now has his Cadbury's "choc ice on a stick" sitting in front of the TV and Ben 10. As the living room carpet is new I have decreed that all food is to be eaten at the table but have weakened if he sits on the sofa and does not move.
"Yes" says J "because the carpet is new Mummy"........ and then came the logic...... "but when it's old it I'll be able to drop things on it won't I".

The banging sound you hear is me whacking my head in despair.

Dyslexia, Dyspraxia, Social Communication Disorder.

It's been some time since I blogged about J, a good few months in fact - a few months filled with indecision, change, helplessness and sadness at times. There are good things too, finally after many years of waiting we have been allocated a council property. The drop in rent is massive and I am just so grateful.
In September it became increasingly apparent that J was struggling even more than before and I made the decision to ask the LEA to carry out a Statutory Assessment of his educational needs. As any parent who has been through this process knows - it is fraught with obstacles and hurdles. I have not even asked for a statement of special educational need, just an assessment to see if J might require one now or at some point in the future, you would think I had asked for the Earth given the forms, the reports from the school and the additional evidence they are asking for. All this to decide if they will even carry an assessment out.

J is currently receiving 15 hours of one to one time in school, his reading is not even at National Curriculum level 1, writing is too difficult for him, social skills are well behind his class mates and he is struggling. Hearing your child say "I am no good..." is heartbreaking - especially when that child is not yet 7.

As a result of all this I made the decision to drop from full time hours at work to 16 per week making me entitled for the first time ever to extra tax credit and free prescriptions. I will not be as well off but I will be around to collect DS from school every day and also get him into some sporting activities. He loves swimming (something which once held fear for him) and goes twice a week - once with school and once with me. I am told that trampoline lessons might also be good for him so will be booking those in after christmas.

J has now seen an Occupational Therapist who continues to see him weekly and has also seen the community paediatrician whose impression was Dyslexia, Dyspraxia and Social Communication Disorder. As the OT said "quite a label". Personally I am continuing along the "let's wait and see" line with J as he has areas of utter brilliance. He is very bright (according to his teachers) and rarely forgets anything factual he is told. Getting it all down on paper is an issue but one I suspect might be overcome with a little creative thinking.

Bedtime is still an utter nightmare - especially since J discovered Ben 10. Evenings are now filled with J swinging from the light fittings (almost) while he saves the world. I should be grateful that my little superhero wants to protect me but I am NOT. I am then the horrible Mum who tells him to go to bed.

Scott the very nice OT (J's mummy ponders if he is single ;-))suggested that J is very sensory seeking and said there were various things to help with this. One idea is a bean filled comforter or long cuddly dog/cat/pillow type thing which could be laid over J at bedtime and provide some of the sensory feedback and so help calm J at bedtime. I tried with Sammy Dog a long bean filled draught excluder (always used as a bed companion) last night but Sammy Dog is too light so I suspect we will need something more specialized.

Watch this space methinks. Am willing to try anything.

It's not Aspergers or High Functioning Autsim

Thank goodness for that, I was really beginning to worry that my little boy was destined for a diagnosis on the autistic spectrum but as the weeks and months have gone on so it is less of a likelihood. J is still experiencing problems in school and the latest meeting with the SENCO teacher brought me the unwelcome news that he has slipped back behaviorally in the classroom. He is also at least 2 terms behind the other children in the class and his progress is being measured with a system called P-Scales which is used with children not yet up to National Curriculum level.

Mrs N J's lovely class teacher explained that she was not sure why his behavior had slipped backwards but wondered if it had more to do with the possibility that the social skills of the other children had moved forward more and so J's less well developed social skills stood out. J continues to have problems in social situations and struggles to read them leading to issues with the other children on occasions. In recent weeks there has been a fight between him and another child because the other child was ignoring J and J did not know how to cope with this. It ended in J's words with "he spitted at me and I spitted at him and then we fighted"(repeated word for word) "but I didn't hit him". My thoughts were "actually I think you DID hit him because your teacher saw you do it". We had a long chat about how to manage if you feel cross and upset and about how hitting other people is wrong and not a very nice thing to do. I have a fabulous book called "A Volcano in my Tummy" which helps children to explore anger, I use it a lot at work. I used one of the more easily understood worksheets with J to explore his feelings when he gets angry. The worksheet was the outline of a body and asks the child to colour in where they feel their anger. J coloured in the hands and explained that he gets "fizzy fingers". We used this as a basis for exploring what actions he could take when he got his fizzy fingers which didn't end with himself or anyone else getting hurt. I also told him the anger rules which state that it is okay to feel angry but that he shouldn't hurt himself, others or damage property. We looked at other actions he could take instead, like running round the playground if it was playtime (as it was when the fight occurred) or counting to 10 in the classroom and repeating this if he still felt cross afterwards. In the classroom though it is easier as his one to one supporter is there every morning. Mrs N says that she would not be able to manage J in a whole class situation without that support.

So - no Statement of SEN, at only 2 terms behind J does not meet the criteria. I am anxious about this as J definitely struggles academically and socially. He will have a new one to one supporter next year the lovely Mrs M being moved to another child. J will be working with Mrs L instead who he already knows from Gym Trail ( a class he attends to help improve his fine motor skills). His new teacher Mrs M is a long serving member of the school's teaching staff and a stickler for the rules, there is no doubt who is in charge when Mrs M is in the classroom and she won't put up with bad behaviour. Luckily for J she thinks he's cuddly and cuddles him at every given opportunity. I just watch and think "you'd better be keeping that cute face kid" as it might JUST save you next year.