It has been a while.........

It's been a while since I posted my last blog - mainly because so much has been happening in our lives and I haven't made time to sit down and write. J and I have moved into a 3 bedroom house which is lovely and has lots of space for all J's toys and best of all our cat. Droosie joined us a few days after we had moved in having spent a couple of days at "Stalag luft Pussycat" a local place which calls itself a "cattery" but in no way at all compares with the wonderful Purrfect Guests in Dorset which Droosie is used to. At Purrfect Guests there are photos of all the regular guests on the walls (they have a beautiful one of my previous cat Grace) and Kim or Clive (Guest) ask what your cat eats and always have (or can get) what food the cat is used to, they even provided a stool for Grace to help her climb up onto the cat activity perch when she stayed there as a very old lady. Stalag luft Pussycat though is very different. On my arrival with Dru I was asked what food she ate "oh Sheba or that As Good as it Looks stuff" I said. "No we meant wet or dry food" came the discouraging response. Having agreed "wet food" with them I then followed them down into the depths of the grounds past rows and rows and rows of cat pens - evidently this place "packs em in" during the summer. Dru was found a pen right at the very bottom which was at least within a shed type construction and warm.  She remained there for only three days but I have had to promise her "never again" as she has bitterly listed all the failings  and the lack of pampering she was used to at Purrfect Guests.

Dru has settled in very well to her new surroundings and best of all it's on a really quiet road so she is able to go out again - something she loves doing. In the recent snow she was in her element and thoroughly enjoyed watching J and I construct a snowman and then having a closer look.

J is still having a few difficulties at school - his  reading concerns me as I feel he just doesn't "get it" and most books he brings home are read either from memory or by looking at the pictures and guessing the words. When shown the words out of context he struggles. I am awaiting a further meeting with the school to discuss the application for a Statement of Special Educational Need. More than anything though I am anxious for him to "get" reading as without this so much else will be closed to him. Currently I am considering investing in a programme called "Headsprout" an online phonics based reading programme which takes children from non-reader to reading at the level of around 8 years. It's expensive but might be worth it if I think J will sit and concentrate on each "lesson" of around 20 mins. The trial lessons have been moderately successful in that J likes computers and enjoys sitting and playing with different programmes. The "Rocket" theme of the Headsprout program is also a hit. It's an American site with American pronounciations of words but that is immaterial if it works for J.  A speech therapist I know raves about it and used it with all her children who can read well with no problems. The other positive aspect of this is that J would have daily practice with learning phonics and blending them together which due to pressures of staffing and workload I suspect he does not get in school. I read daily with him at home but he struggles with concentration and sitting down to practice reading is not high on his agenda. Sitting down and being read to or "reading" a story to me (from any book where he has memorised the narrative) is a big hit though and we spend time each day doing this. Headsprout works out at about £100 for the full program of 80 sessions - at just over a £1 a session I don't think that's too bad - now I just have to find the cash - maye the next payday at then end of this month..

J’s School are having Problems

 

It has been apparent for some time that J is causing some difficulties for his school. There have been several incidents – some I was aware of and some I was not. For example I arrived early to collect J one day and watched J's class in the playground doing PE. J was there but seemed to be having difficulties in following the routine, several times he simply left the group and ran around the circular sheltered area and had to be pulled back into the group. I have also been aware that for some time J has been having some 1 – 1 time with a teaching assistant in the afternoons. I came to watch the school's Harvest Festival assembly which was lovely. The school filed in and I looked around for J but there was no sign of him – eventually he arrived – the last pupil brought into the hall and accompanied by the teaching assistant. J was sat with his class but on the end of the bench right by the door – the teaching assistant took up place next to him and another teaching assistant sat behind. J saw me and gave me a big wave – "look" I could almost hear him saying to the two Teaching Assistants "that's my Mummy". The class then sang a song and did actions – J continued to smile and wave at me – occasionally joining in with the singing but not doing any actions. The term "Asperger's Syndrome" wandered through my head and I wondered if anyone else could tell I was an over anxious mother!

However, overanxious mother may well have hit upon something, the parent/teacher consultation evening loomed and Mrs N who is J's lovely class teacher asked me a few days before this if I had "caught up with the SENCO (Special Educational Needs Co-Ordinator) yet". I hadn't but not for want of trying – the SENCO worked only one day in the school a week and was in other schools the rest of the time. Eventually I caught up with her at Gym Trail two days before the meeting with Mrs N. We had a quick chat and arranged a more thorough meeting for the day after the consultations with J's class teacher.

Mrs N was very positive about J but spoke of her difficulties in managing him within the classroom. His sensory problems are causing a lot of problems and on a few occasions he has simply run from the classroom. PE in the hall is also a problem as J spends a lot of time with his hands over his ears as its too noisy and the noise hurts his ears – the school have overcome this by allowing J to wear headphones for the session. At other times J will sit under the desk at the back of the classroom and cannot be coaxed out. For the past few weeks J has been having one to one support every afternoon – so virtually 10 hours a week. The school are funding this by releasing a teaching assistant from another classroom which means another class teacher has to manage alone. Mrs N says she cannot manage J without this. Mrs N mentioned Asperger's Syndrome but also said that J does not really fit the criteria in every way as he was very empathetic, however, she did say he appeared not to be able to pick up social cues and facial expressions – missing cues that would tell him people were angry. Mrs N mentioned getting a Statement of Special Educational Need for J.

Mrs F the school SENCO said the same the next day – she also mentioned Aspergers but also said that while many of J's behaviours and idiosyncrasies are "spectrum like" that many others were not. J has apparently been on the "School Action Plus" programmed since the beginning of Year 1 . Want to know what the difference is between "School Action" and "School Action Plus"? It's apparently 20 minutes! That's right – children on the School Action programme are entitled to an hour of one to one time a week. Those on School Action Plus get an hour and 20 minutes. This makes J's 10 hours a week a mockery, hence the need for a Statement.

New beginnings

J's theme this term at school is "Beginnings" and he is looking at and discovering newness and new life. The school has posters of new babies, chicks hatching from eggs and is leading up to the Advent preparations and the birth of Jesus (being a Catholic school this is a rather big time of the year). This school has also been a new "beginning" for J as he settles into new surroundings, meets new friends and adjusts to life away from his old home.

J has also done some "Goodbyes" in the last week - to his old home, his old school and has remembered some old friends.

We went to our old home last week to begin packing up books, toys, clothes, CDs, DVDs and family history papers in preparation for the move into a new house.

Leaving my old home in March was a traumatic time for me and a difficult time for J. Personal matters had escalated out of all control and I could no longer stay there. Obviously J had to be with me and I literally collected him from his school and drove 170 miles away to my parents. J and I have been there ever since.

For me (and I think for J) the biggest and most difficult aspect of this was removing J from his lovely little school where he was happy and settled. The school was our local one and we had no hesitation in choosing where to send J after a visit in his pre-school year. Not only did the head master take time out to show us around but he also squatted down to J's eye level in order to listen to him and answer a question (the only school we visited where this happened). I was really impressed and from that moment there was no doubt about where J would go to school.

J started in September 2007 and settled in quickly - his SPD was accepted and there were regular meetings with the school who seemed on top of everything. They were kind, sensitive and supportive.

Unfortunately about the time J started school a problem ocurred in my personal life, a problem which devastated me and left me reeling. I limped on for a few months but quickly went downhill. With the benefit of hindsight I can now see that I coasted through those few months in despair, frustration and hopelessness.

By January all I wanted to do was move back to be nearer my family and I began applying for jobs. J's Dad was very upset and angry with me and we went through days of barely speaking.
I was angry, upset and anxious about everything but my main concern was J and his lovely little school. As a young child I went through several changes of school following the breakdown of my parent's marriage and it was hugely disruptive so just about the last thing I wanted in the world was for J to experience the same disruption. However, life for me could not continue in the way it had and I needed so much the support of my family around me.

In March matters came to a head and I collected J from school and drove to my parents. It was a horrendous journey during which I nearly turned back several times. I cried most of the way about J, his school and the change he was about to face but I could not see any other way around it.

I rang J's school the next day and spoke to the lovely head teacher. I cried on the phone as I explained that J would not be returning, he was kind and supportive, assuring me of the school's committment to handover all of J's information to the new school and also that J would adjust better than I was expecting.

Seven months on I can see he was right - J has adjusted remarkably well and has made lots of new friends. At the moment he is busy listing all those he wants to invite for a "sleepover" once we get to the new house. There are more than 8 names so far.......

Last week we went back to J's old home, it was familiar, old toys were remembered and collected but J no longer calls it home. As we left J cried and said "I don't want to go home" and then asked if he could drive past his old school. I agreed with very mixed feelings but felt we should say goodbye as J had not really had the opportunity to do so when we left.

We drove down the hill, over the level crossing and past the white house - all markers on the way to school previously. As we reached the school J craned his neck to see his old classroom - "look - that's my old classroom and there's the playground". I suggested we say "Bye Bye" and J did quite happily. I cried but he did not - very telling. Who was attached to the old school ? It certainly was not J anymore.

My feelings now?

J loves his new school and so do I BUT it does not compare with the school he left in my opinion. It's bigger, less organised and J's SPD does not get the same close attention as a result. The school welcomes parents in with open arms (as did the previous school) but the communication is not as good.

On the other hand J runs in happily and all over the place I hear the happy calls of his friends urging him to come and play. It's a time of new beginnings for us as well - new home, new car (oh yes - the old banger is being replaced with a shiny new lease car) and finally J's cat will be joining us. We are walking into a new future .......

Firsts

It has been a week of "firsts" for J. He has his first wobbly tooth (oh boy does his Mummy feel proud and pleased). J is taking great pride in wobbling the tooth and is eagerly anticipating the tooth fairy.

J attends a local Catholic school - nothing to do with my desire for a Catholic education but more to do with my sister being a teaching assistant there (and therefore able to collect J from school for me) and also that all my nieces have attended the school happily. This week J returned from school proudly carrying a set of plastic Rosary beads. How he came to be in possession of these I could not glean from his explanations. Eventually I recalled reading in the newsletter that one of the teachers was holding a Rosary session at lunchtimes and Rosary beads could be bought for 25p. I duly paid up thinking that J had gone along and been given the beads. It turns out now that J was given the beads in assembly for some reason.

Last night he held the Rosary, put his hands together and said his prayers as he had been taught in school finishing with great flourish he announced ".... the Father, the Son and the Holy Goat"

He then proceeded to place the beads around his neck and said "I wear these as a necklace"
Not the effect I think his Catholic school would have been after.

A walk in the County Park

Today J and I went for a walk. We heard beautiful birdsong, we smelled lovely flowers, we tasted fruit growing wild and we fed the birds gathered on the lake.

We saw blackberries by the thousands and J indulged in a spot of foraging ...if only we had taken a container there could have been blackberry crumble for tea.





J fed the Ducks, Geese and Coots who welcomed the food eagerly.











J made sure they got every bit of food in the bag


Afterwards we walked around the peaceful garden by the shop and saw lovely flowers and bees. It was a beautiful day.

Palmer grip

J started back at school last week. He is now in Year 1 and having to adjust to the realisation that he can no longer wander freely around the classroom. His new teacher is extremely good and very focused - and well up to the challenge of J!
Lara's report has gone into the school along with an accompanying letter - I await a response to this.
In the meantime J is back in the classroom and to his hated topics - reading and writing.
Reading is too much like hard work I suspect so I am in the process of making up the phonic sounds to make words with and am hoping that the penny will drop with J once we've practiced a bit more.

Writing is more of an issue as J still uses a very immature palmer grip to hold a pen or pencil. This makes it hard for him to control the marks he makes on paper (although he recently drew very fetching designs all over my laptop bag)! To add to his difficulties he is also left handed and this creates an added challenge.

Most children develop a palmer grip within the first year of life and this is used to great effect when grabbing hold of things they should not. J's finest moment was grabbing the breasts of a waitress in a cafe and saying "boobies" - a moment we wished the floor would swallow both of us.

By the age of 4 though, most children have developed the ability to hold a pen with a tripod grip using the thumb and two forefingers. This gives a good level of control when making marks on a page and is the basis for developing good handwriting skills. J does not have this skill or at least it does not come naturally to him. Occasionally he will hold the pencil in a tripod grip with great pride saying "look, I am holding my pen the way my teacher showed me" - he gets great praise for this but quickly reverts to the palmer grip which is obviously easier and more comfortable for him.

I have recently bought some pencil grips to help him but Lara (the OT) says to wait until she has assessed J further because there are many different pencil grips and she has lots for him to try in order to see what best suits him.

So in the meantime I will continue to give J pens and paper and allow him to have fun with drawing and put no pressure on him to write if he does not want to. I tread a fine line between encouraging him and putting him off. The school are doing the same and giving J small handwriting tasks which do not make him feel useless compared with his peers

Goodbye Paddypaws.

Paddypaws with his bright blue eyes.


I am so sad today. Yesterday my parents had to have one of their 20 week old kittens put to sleep. Poor little Paddypaws was struggling to breathe when I woke up yesterday and his respirations were going at 80 per minute.

An emergency appointment with the vet told us that Paddy was indeed a very sick kitten. An X Ray showed an enlarged heart, liver and kidneys. This left no option but to try and remove the fluid under an anaesthetic. The best case scenario was a massive infection - the worst a massive heart defect. Sadly the latter proved to be the case and Paddy was put to sleep without ever waking again, a victim it appears of HCM (Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy).

Bless you Paddy - at the Rainbow Bridge with Grace and Spike. We won't ever forget you.